I am sitting in my room at my parents’ home, at 12:14 AM, typing away, while the gentle rain taps on my window, Tap. Tap-Tap, as if wishing to join in on the little solitary writing party I have going on.
Come in, I say.
The night is quiet, dark, serene, I write as I listen to this playlist.
I used to hate the rain. Actually, I still hate the rain most of the time.
But I’m trying to learn to enjoy it. I’m trying to see it in a positive rather than negative light, just like everything else in life.
Any experience can be colored depending on how you view it and the filters you apply.
I remind myself, rain can be cleansing. Good days can come out of not just sunny days, but rainy ones as well. The sun is important, but overcast days don’t have to be all bad. You can still make the most out of them.
You can still focus on the things going right, instead of the things going wrong.
It’s just a little past Chinese New Year and I’m feeling particularly sentimental, having really enjoyed the time I’ve spent with my parents. It seems that our tensions and misunderstandings have cleared and our wounds have healed. It seems that things really are much better after I took a break from them and took time to figure myself out.
I’ve also been thinking a lot about my experiences with them, especially growing up. I hated my childhood, and I felt so miserable during most of it. But now, I’m questioning myself, “Was it really all that bad, or did I just focus on all the things wrong?”
There was a lot of good.
My parents really loved me. They paid for my expensive education, took me on trips, my mom cooked almost every meal. There was a lot my parents did well, but I just focused on all the times they messed up.
Similarly, in my relationship with my boyfriend, I tended to focus on the negatives. The times he wasn’t there for me, the times he said he would call me and then didn’t - rather than the times he did call me, the times he did wake up early for me, the times he did show up.
As I walk out of my path from depression, I similarly want to change my mindset and focus on all the things going well in my life.
I want to wake up to a rainy day and feel okay, instead of letting it ruin my day.
With that, I want to say, have a great day!
With love always,
margherita x