Where is home?
Is it California? Is it here?
I don’t know.
I believe everyone has two homes: the one they grew up in, and the one they found their new selves in.
For me, my new home used to be the Bay Area. I’ve wanted to work in tech/startups for so long, and for the first time in 2019, I finally found a place where I belonged. I found so many new friends, worked in an industry I was interested in, and just had the time of my life.
Then 2020 hit, and I lost all of that.
It wasn’t that the pandemic or anything was the reason to blame. It just so happened that right when I was feeling lost, the pandemic hit, and I had to move back to Taiwan.
And then began my series of feeling lost and not knowing what to do for the next two years.
What do I want? I ask myself, desperately.
I want to know the answer.
Because if I knew the answer, then I could be heading somewhere, instead of staying stuck here, running in place, darting in circles. I could do what I did in 2019 - go where tech and startups are, get into a similar job, and meet like-minded people.
If I had some sense of where I wanted to go, then I could be on my path already.
But I have no idea. So I stay in Taiwan, trapped, stuck, lost, running head to head into a dead end.
Is everyone doomed to feel this way until they find something out? How long do I have to stay stuck here? When can I get out?
I’m home but I’m not home. Does that make sense now?
With much love,
margherita-x